Feelin' Chalky

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Prison Break

After being MIA for two weeks I am finally back in action and ready to once again purge the thoughts racing around in my head.

I do have to admit that last week's hiatus was partly due to the fact that it was the first week that I didn't lose any weight, in fact, I gained slightly.  I was too embarrassed to post it even though I know that there was nothing I did that was out of the ordinary (food-wise).  So, I am here to say - it happens - to everyone.  I know that I will have good weeks and bad weeks especially the closer I get to my goal.  Last week, I gained 0.8 pounds.  Oh well.  It did really frustrate me, but I had to either give up or press on and I chose to press on.  :) 

Before I tell you about this week's progress, I wanted to share another personal (non-weight) victory.  First of all, let me say that at Church we have been talking about all of the lies that satan feeds us that keep us sad and lonely and guilt-ridden and broken.  Basically when we believe the lies that he feeds us it makes us "less-than" what we really are.  We don't function the way God intended - we don't live the abundant life that we are promised through Christ.  Today we specifically discussed how satan convinces us that we can't change.  he (I refuse to capitalize "he" in this case even though it's the beginning of a sentence) whispers that little lie in our ears and we believe it and become imprisoned by our habits and behaviors.  It was so cool for me to listen to the sermon today from a fresh perspective - from the other side of that lie for once in my life.  What is the other side of that lie?  Well, it's the truth that I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength!  I feel like I am trying to combat that lie everyday and run toward the truth that God can change me and set me free!  

I used to believe that I was destined to be fat.  I just figured I was always going to be "big" and that there was not much I could do about it, after all, it was probably genetics, right?  I used to think that I was just someone who was always going to love greasy, fatty, sugary foods.  I bought the lie with everything I had and it crippled me for so long.  I am so incredibly blessed that even through that lie God reached His hand down and pulled me along - sometimes unwillingly to serve Him and use my gifts.  What I am referring to is specifically the gift of music.  I still don't know how I ever had the courage to step foot on the stage at Oakbrook for the first time.  I still don't know how I ever mustered up the confidence to sing "Children Go Where I Send Thee" for the first time - that was the first time most people (myself included) even realized I had any power to my voice!  I look back and I am sad at all of the opportunities I missed because I had locked myself in a prison of self-doubt.  I know it is impossible to go back, so all I can do is move forward and try to re-learn how to be the person God created me to be.  It is so hard to allow myself the freedom to be that person!  I am so used to the old self-conscious, backward, afraid to speak up and speak out, worry-filled me.  

This week I had an opportunity to take another step toward that new me.  I was given a chance to change and I am so proud that I took it!  I stepped out in faith and allowed myself the freedom to have fun and use the gifts God has given me - outside of the safety-net of my Church.  There was a little singing competition at the Howard county fair called "HOCOMUCO."  It stands for HOward COunty MUsic COntest.  Normally I wouldn't have even entertained the idea for fear of being judged or rejected or for fear of being made fun of or the biggest one - for fear of failure.  I have talked before about how much I worry about failure.  With a little encouraging my family and friends talked me into it and you know what??  I had fun!  Imagine that!  I didn't win the contest, but I still felt victorious.  I felt like I opened the door to a lot more opportunities that I can say YES to instead of no. That felt great!  By the way...I will be back next year for anyone who may be wondering!  ;)  I am a pretty competitive person under all these layers!  

OK, so how did I do this week?  After all, I was at the fair twice this week.  Believe it or not, I lost 7.2 pounds!  That brings my total to 58.2 pounds lost forever and ever!  I am 1.8 pounds away from my August goal of 60 pounds lost!!  Hopefully I will pull it off!

I tried a whole bunch of new recipes these past two weeks and I am hoping to have a separate post soon that contains most of them.  Keep an eye out!  Also, I am going to start blogging what I order when I go out to eat so that everyone can see that it truly is possible to eat healthfully when you eat out.  A lot of people ask me how I cope in restaurant situations.  It should be fun!


  1. You are such an inspiration Aub. Thank you so much for the generosity of your honesty.

  2. You really are an inspiration. Simply amazing.

  3. Thanks from all of us self-concious, worry-filled people hiding behind our fat!
    Love you, AD

  4. I just love you! Soooo proud of how you've grown and shrunk all at the same time. Way to go my soul sista! xoxo