Feelin' Chalky

Friday, September 2, 2011


I've been contemplating what to write about lately.  I am in a new phase of my journey which I have entitled, "whole new me."  It's a play on words you see...I am learning who I truly am now...and at the same time really striving to live a "whole" life, one that is balanced.  It's funny.  I thought I knew who I was.  I didn't...and I still don't.  What I have learned over the past year and a half is that my excess weight was partially a means to hide the real me - and in turn shelter myself from pain, rejection, failure.  Maybe it was even to keep me from the greatness that God stamped into me.  We all have greatness stamped into us you know?  Through that sheltering process I lost myself completely - plum forgot who I was.  And now that most of my excess weight (read: protection, shield, or force field - haha) is gone, I am left dazed and confused!  Obviously there is a whole lot more to that equation, but that's a big piece.  Moving on...

The big thing that has been weighing on my mind lately is, "WHO am I...really?"  I am not the girl that started this journey.  I mean, sure, there are glimpses of "her" in me - there always will be, but for the most part I am a new person.  After weeks of rolling this around in my head I decided that who I am now doesn't really matter.  The meat of the issue is really deciding who I want to be.  When I look deep down inside and picture "me" at my best...what does that look like?  Here is what it looks like for me: 1. I am smiling on the inside and out, 2. I feel uninhibited - free, 3. I am active - usually I envision myself running and playing with the kids, 4. I am confident and strong - I believe in myself, 5. I am successful.  Now I want to clarify the part about success.  When I say, "success" you probably immediately think about money.  I tend to see success as more than that.  I see myself helping others reach their goals and I see myself following God's will and direction for my life - that's what I qualify as success.

The next step beyond who I want to be is to decide how I get there - what steps do I need to take?  Well, first off...I have to practice.  Practice what?  I need to practice being confident, being strong, uninhibited, happy, active, successful.  This means stepping out of my comfort-zone...disallowing myself to be complacent with my life.  Talk about culture shock! :-)

First stop?  Active.  UGHHHHH!  Active?  It goes against every fiber of my being, but I know that being active is a big part of overall health.  I have always associated "active" with pain, embarrassment, and failure - it's no wonder I have an aversion to it!  The first thoughts that flood to my brain when I think of exercise and activity are ones of gym class, Jr. high basketball, the biggest girl in gymnastics, lame attempts at t-ball, failed try-outs for the color guard...let's just face it...I am not the most coordinated creature on the planet.  I wasn't designed for athletics - I am an artist at heart.  BUT it's time for me to create NEW visions of what "active" means in my life.  So that is what I am going to focus on from now until Christmas.  I will still be blogging about food (duh) because, well, I love it, but I am also going to make myself more accountable in the activity department.  You know, that dreaded "e" word? Exercise?  Yeah I am going to do that...at least 5 days a week...maybe 7!  I will try to do a weekly post of the things I have tried.  Who knows...maybe I will find something I truly love!

So here is what I have been up to the last several days/weeks.  One thing I always thought I would hate is running.  Seriously.  What can be pleasurable about being sweaty, out of breath, and in pain?  I don't know what got into me the other day but my body told me to get out of bed and run.  So I did.  The first day I patted myself on the back because I thought I'd run a marathon...not so much.  After measuring it I realized that I ran a half a mile.  Oh well!  It was a half a mile more than I would have ran if I had stayed in bed! :-) The next day I ran a whole mile without stopping!  I was really proud of myself!  For me this was an accomplishment!  I couldn't even run a mile without stopping in High School.  I got a C- that semester because I failed to run the mile!  Anyway, this achievement made me realize how far I have come.  My body is so much more full of life!  I can do more than I realize!

Now it's on like Donkey Kong!  I am pushing my limits everyday - trying to see what I am made of.  There are three goals I have for next summer: 1. I want to run a 5K - the whole thing - no stopping, 2. I want to walk the mini with my best buddy, and 3. I want to participate in Warrior Dash.  Those are three things that I know I can do if I just keep pushing myself.  What are your goals?

If you would like a daily update on what things I am doing EACH DAY to become the bestest me I can be...please friend "The Incredible Shrinking Mama" on Facebook.  I will post everyday the things I did to better my health.  I want to make it a challenge to all of you out there to post things too!  I'd love to hear from you!  We can support each other!

Now go get strong!

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