Feelin' Chalky

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Happy Anniversary!

I'm feeling all smooshy inside because tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of my journey.  One year ago I threw up my hands at my lazy, toxic lifestyle, prayed for direction, and walked into the doors at Weight Watchers.  Everyone was so friendly and smiling - except me.  I was miserable.  I still remember the sinking feeling I had as I stepped on the scale.  I remember the shock I felt as I realized that my weight had reached an all-time high of 321.8 pounds.  I stared at the number for quite a while.  I couldn't get over it.  Numbers like that will jerk you into reality real quick.

Aside from the fear and shock, I also remember the freedom that came as I walked out of the doors that day.  I looked at my reflection in the large panes of glass and I shuddered.  I was so embarrassed...but at the same time I felt free.  I felt free because I took a stand that day - I stood up for "me" and stood up to myself - that was a big step in the right direction.  I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I opened my mind to the possibilities.  I became a sponge that day...soaking up information.  I threw out everything I thought I knew about nutrition and "dieting" and health and I started over at a ground level.

You know I think the biggest change for me was surrendering my life, my food, my habits, my body, and my family over to God.  I acknowledged the fact that, yes, I have been a failure before.  I have gained and lost and lost and gained a million times.  The difference is will-power vs. God-power.  My will-power is strong to a point...until hurt comes along...until stress comes along...until cookies come along. (haha)  But GOD-power?  It is never-failing, never-ceasing - no matter what the circumstances.  THAT was the power I had been missing.  Talk about the ultimate WW buddy!

I am so looking forward to what the next year of my journey will bring!  Today I tried on some jeans and was able to zip up a size 16.  That is the size I wore in high school! :-)  Of course my body doesn't quite look the same as it did back then!  Four kids have a way of giving you that used-and-abused kind of look! 

This week I had a slight gain - 0.4 pounds.  No big deal.  I think 94.4 pounds is pretty darn good for a year...don't you?  Just 5.6 pounds away from 100!  I can't wait!

In honor of my 1-year anniversary, here is a song that really spoke to me at the beginning of my journey.  We sang it at church the day after I started WW.  I got to sing back-up that day.  Coincidence?  I hope it will inspire and motivate YOU!

And lastly I'll leave you with this quote from one of my favorite songs, "Our God," by Chris Tomlin: "And if our God is for us than who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?"

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