If You Fail to Plan...

I am a horrible planner.  I mean, I have all of these great ideas rolling around in my head, but to actually put my thoughts into practice is a whole other animal.  That being said, I have become quite the Iron Chef.  You know what I mean, right? Iron Chef, the show?  The show where they hand a box full of seemingly unrelated, unappetizing foods to a chef and in under an hour or so they create beautiful, gourmet platters of food?

Ok, well, it may feel like that in my mind, but in all reality I am not cooking octopus or puréeing dragon fruit...OR using dry ice...but I might as well be on the show.  How impressive is it to have four children screaming, "what's for dinner?" in a continuous, whiney chorus while you attempt to mold a pantry full of random grains, legumes, flours, and spices and a refrigerator full of moldy left-overs, condiments, and produce into a beautiful, symphony of flavors that everyone will love?  I say it is pretty impressive - nay a miracle!  I have had a handful of really great dishes come out of desperation (and a few that LEFT me desperate for a PB&J).

One of my favorite things to make in a pinch that is always a big hit (and is very budget and user friendly) is my Creamy Vegan Potato Soup.  I researched a lot of recipes online to get inspiration and then customized it to fit our dietary needs as well as what I actually had on hand...which at times tends to be not a whole heck of a lot.  ;-)  (Grocery shopping with four kiddos in tow tends to be less than pleasant.)  The beauty of this recipe is that I can pretty much use this basic "skeleton" - which is perfectly awesome as-is - and fancy it up to add more depth of flavor when I have fun extras around the house.

Creamy Vegan Potato Soup

1 large onion, chopped

4 ribs of celery (including leafy tops), chopped

3 tsp. minced garlic (about 4-6 cloves)

EVOO

Salt & pepper

1/2 tsp. dried rosemary

3 bay leaves (optional but yummy)

1/2 tsp. herbes de provence

1 c. dry sherry

4-6 cups of diced yukon gold potatoes

water to cover

2 T Earth Balance

3 cups Silk organic, unsweetened soy milk

Easy peasy. Sauté onion and celery in EVOO over medium-high heat. Add salt and pepper. Allow veggies to sweat out and soften and get slightly brown.  Rub dried herbs in the palm of your hand before adding to the veg mixture to "wake up" their natural flavors and oils. Cook for another minute and then add dry sherry to pan to deglaze. Cook for about 3 minutes while scraping of any browned bits off of the bottom of your pan with a wooden spoon.  Hooray for flavor!

Add diced potatoes and just enough water to cover. Add more salt and pepper.  (Here is where you can swap in a more flavorful product - vegetable broth - when you have it in your pantry). Put a lid on the pan and turn the heat down to medium.  Cook the potatoes until tender. Add Earth Balance and soy milk, stir to combine, and taste for seasoning.  Add more salt and pepper as needed.  Using an immersion/stick blender, purée soup until it reaches your desired consistency.  We like it mostly smooth with a few potato "chunks" here and there.  Serve with your favorite toppings!  We like Veggie Sour Cream and green onions or chives.  We have also added Veggie cheese in the past as well as Bacony Bits made by WayFare foods (a GREAT Vegan alternative - but they are not gluten-free).

Enjoy!

Fill 'Er Up!

I don't know exactly when it started, but I have entered a new phase of my journey.  As you know the last two years have been super-focused on the physical affects of "healthy living" - the things you can touch, taste, feel, see.  My journey up to this point has been tangible. It has been easy to see progress.  For a while my mood revolved around seeing the number on the scale decrease each week.  In fact, I almost got to the point of (dare I say) idolizing weight loss itself.  


Don't get me wrong.  I don't think weight loss is bad...at all.  It is a VERY good thing!  BUT when you get to the point where you can't be happy if you aren't losing? That's a problem.  I'm finding it so much harder now to figure out who I am and where I fit into the world now that I am no longer a losing machine.  It's hard, but God is continuing to work on me everyday...just in ways that I am not always so happy about.  It's so much more fun to get praised by your friends, family, and peers about how "good" you look or how "thin" you are getting.


I have been brought to a place in my journey now where things are so focused on inward battles, hurts, and scars.  Sometimes I am not sure I can unpack everything while being all the things I need to be for others in my life.  I find myself bubbling over with anger because I can no longer "hold it together."  I learned to be an expert at "holding it together" at a young age.  I learned how to set my needs and desires aside and be available...which is a good thing.  In fact, I think it is what has allowed me to be the mom I need to be for my four kids.  However, now I am seeing how too much of a good thing causes disfunction.


The disfunction for me is that while I am so absorbed in caring for others' needs, my tank gets more and more empty.  I also feel extreme guilt whenever I am not fulfilling my responsibilities - when I am away.  It is hard to enjoy social outings.  It is hard to really feel nourished by anything...but food.  And I think that has always been the case.  I have always used food to "fill" me.  The times in my life where I was the heaviest were the times when I was least connected to the things I love to do.  Now don't get me wrong...I LOVE my kids, my husband, my parents, siblings, inlaws, and friends.  I am talking about things that fill my life with joy BEYOND people.  You know, the things that bring the twinkle to my eye when I talk about them.


One of those "fillers" for me is art - creating.  I have always loved art - all kinds of art.  My nickname growing up was, "Doodle," because I would just sit and draw for hours.  I also love to paint.  I painted a replica of VanGogh's, "Starry, Starry Night," in High School.  It is one of my most treasured possessions.  I was so proud of it when it was finished.  I love to write.  I used to write a lot of poetry and songs and short stories.  There is just something cleansing about writing.  I suppose my love for cooking and creating recipes also falls in this category.  For some reason I left most of my artsy side behind when I became an "adult."  I am trying to find ways to bring it back.


Another filler for me is music which is probably most obvious to people who know me, but what you don't know about singing for me is that it only fills me when I allow the Holy Spirit to take the guilt and fear away and replace it with joy.  Otherwise it is just another "job" to do, a task to check off of my to-do list.  If you watch me when I sing, there are some times that I smile from ear to ear and then there are other times that I don't.  The times I smile are genuine.  The smile is a result of freedom - reckless abandonment - joy.  When I don't smile it isn't because I am mad and it isn't because I hate the song I am singing, it is merely because something is in the way of God.  It could be stress, anger, fear, sin, or a number of other things.  When I am in that place I feel so empty.

I have always been moved by nature.  Engaging in nature fills me.  I find God in nature.  I love animals and plants and the smells of fresh air and rain.  I love the feel of grass on bare feet and the warmth of sun on my face.  I feel so connected and peaceful when I am  outside.  Being a stay-at-home mom of 4 little ones a lot of times keeps me tied to the house, and that is hard for me.  But it is getting better and easier to take them out the older they get, and thankfully Kokomo has some of the best parks around!


There are other things that fill me too, but those are the main ones.  I am seeing just how deeply connected my overeating is with being under-filled.  When I am not feeling nourished on a spiritual or emotional level I tend to eat to fill that void.  Unfortunately the void only gets filled temporarily when you fill it with food.  Even though I eat very healthy (as far as WHAT I eat) I still find myself eating too much at times.  Now that I recognize why I do what I do I am learning how to change it.  Sometimes I just have to stop and figure out what I am lacking.  Maybe I just need a hug.  Maybe I need someone to tell my I am important - that I am valued and special.  And maybe sometimes I just need permission to do something for myself, by myself.  The permission part is important for me.  It sounds silly, but when my husband or friend says, "I want you to: go get your hair done/take a walk/take a bath/have fun at practice," it releases me from the feelings of guilt and allows me to enjoy what I am doing fully.  Baby steps.


Does this resonate with you?


If so, I'd love to hear from you!  I'd love to walk through this with you!  Until next time!

Oh, Oh, O-r-e-o!

So I have officially crossed the line.  Oh no I didn't!  Oh yes, I did.  I spent 5 hours the other night creating (to the best of my ability) a "healthy" Oreo cookie.  No I didn't make them for a special client or my best friend.  I made them for 50, 4 and 5 year old Pre-K kids.  I made them 1. because I can - darn it, and 2. because I want my kids to see that special treats don't have to come out of a package.  Yes, it would have been a million times easier and cheaper to just pick up the Oreos, but I couldn't.  Sure those kids could have cared less what I did or didn't put into the cookies, but I don't care.  I am THAT weird now, folks (and proud of it)!  The inspiration?  Icing that could send you into your happy place!


A few weeks ago I made a cake for my birthday - gingerbread cake - and found an icing recipe in a new cookbook I got, Chloe's Kitchen, which has everything from breakfast to dog treats.  The author won Cupcake Wars on Food Network, so I knew the cupcake and icing recipes would not disappoint.  The upside?  The icing was mind-blowing.  The downside?  The recipe calls for powdered sugar and I don't like to use powdered sugar - or any sugar for the matter, but I figured if it topped a healthy cake or cookie it would be OK.  And it's amazing...did I mention that yet?


Here's the icing recipe:


Vanilla Bean Buttercream
1 cup non-hydrogenated vegetable shortening (I bought mine at Sunspot)

3 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
Seeds of 1 vanilla bean (or 1 tsp vanilla bean paste)
2 to 5 T almond, soy, hemp, rice or coconut milk to thin


Using a hand mixer, beat the shortening until smooth.  With the mixer running on low, add powdered sugar, vanilla, vanilla bean seeds or paste, and 1 tablespoon of the non-dairy milk at a time as needed to reach desired consistency. I used about 3 tablespoons both times I made mine.  Beat for two more minutes until the buttercream is light and fluffy.


For the cookie part of the "Oreo" I turned to one of my favorite baking books, Babycakes!  It not only has some super fun treats in it, but mostly all of them are gluten-free which is an added bonus because both my sister and brother (and some friends' kids) are gluten-intolerant or have mild Celiac.  You can make it with regular flour or whole wheat pastry flour if you desire, but I tried the cookies both ways and my verdict?  The gluten-free version was actually better!  Of course I also swapped the evaporated cane juice (just a fancy word for sugar) for agave (in my first two batches) and then raw local honey in my final batch.  The honey won!  Better flavor, better texture.  So I will post my favorite version of the recipe.  If you have any questions about swapping flours or natural sweeteners, please ask!  I have become quite the expert!


Double Chocolate Chip Cookies


1 cup coconut oil (look for unrefined, virgin oil) - melt before you measure

1 cup local, raw honey
1/3 cup homemade applesauce (see below) or store-bought, unsweetened applesauce
2 T vanilla extract
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp xanthan gum (look in the organic section of most stores)
1/4 cup flax meal/powder (I love this one.)
1 1/2 cups Bob's Red Mill Gluten-Free All-Purpose Baking Flour
1 cup dairy-free semi-sweet chocolate chips


Preheat the oven to 325°F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper or a silicone sheet.  In a medium bowl, mix together the melted oil, honey, applesauce, and vanilla.  In another bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa, salt, baking soda, flax, and xanthan gum.  Carefully add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients until a dough is formed.  It may look runny at first, but give it a few minutes and the xanthan gum will do it's work and thicken it up.  Fold in the chocolate chips.  Using a small ice cream scoop, scoop the dough onto the prepared baking sheets.  Bake the cookies in the center rack for 14 minutes.  After 9 minutes, rotate the pans 180°and then continue to bake for the remaining 5 minutes.  Let the cookies cool for 10 minutes on the baking sheets, then cool completely on a wire rack.


Once cooled completely add a small (or large) amount of icing to the bottom side of one cookie, then top with a second cookie.  Eat. Ahhh...


If you are interested in making a super-stellar roasted applesauce that is super quick and easy and can be used in this recipe, here ya go (you can thank me later).  This recipe will fill a 24 oz Mason jar.


Roasted Applesauce


1 pound (about 3 medium) Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and cut into 1-inch cubes
1 pound (about 3 medium) Pink Lady apples, peeled, cored, and cut into 1-inch cubes
1 T ground cinnamon
1/3 cup agave nectar
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice


1 cup hot water
agave as needed


Preheat oven to 325°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment or a silicone mat.  Toss apples with agave, cinnamon, and lemon juice until completely coated.  Bake the apples on the center rack for 35 minutes rotating the pan 180° after 20 minutes.  Place the baked, cooled apples into a high-powered blender or food processor.  Add 1 cup of hot water and process until smooth.  Add agave as needed to desired sweetness (mine didn't need any more to make it sweet).  MMMMMM!


When all is said and done...here is the finished product:

They are decadent and with the flax, applesauce, honey, and coconut oil, so much better for you than their Nabisco counterpart.  Enjoy!

The Proof is in the Pudding

Ahhh...THIS is the life!  For all you caffeine junkies, sugar babies, high-fructose-corn-syrup, salt lickin', hydrogenated oil slick'n, doughnut, french fry, big mac-a-saurus - chicken patty - join in my chorus...THIS is the life!  You don't know what you're missing!  Join the healthy movement and my feet you'll be kissin'.  I swear I wouldn't lie the grass IS greener on this side...and so are my smoothies...and they're recharging my insides.  (not really sure why I had to open this post with a "rap," but that's how it sounded in my head...so that's what you get!)

I'm not kidding folks!  We have been fooled for so long - SO long!  We've been believing the lies that we are dependent on prescription drugs and chemical "fixes" to thrive.  I am telling you RIGHT NOW it's not true!  Many people think that lowering their cholesterol or blood sugar lies in the hands of their doctor...their fate in a little white slip of paper...it doesn't have to be that way!

Change is hard.  I know.  We are all stubborn, stuck in our ways.  We can't see the light at the end of that Pepsi or the silver lining in our Ben and Jerry's!  I've been there!  I've tasted the stuff!  I know what it's like to eat an entire chocolate cake and be at the end of my rope and put all of my trust and my health in the hands of the Creator - not knowing where He would lead me.  Not easy.  But there is hope.  I promise you that!

We were meant to have more and be more than we ever dreamed.  But it all starts with taking good care of our insides - one good choice at a time.  It's not about finding that next diet or another quick fix - miracle potions or cleanses or energy shots with vitamins.  It's not about gym memberships or treadmills or special running clothes.  It's about getting back to the basics - what we all know but we don't want to face.

It's about real food.  It's about time!

The other day I had to have some labs done for our insurance.  I have to admit I was pretty anxious - not about the needles, but about the results.  It is easy for me to see my progress on the scale.  Numbers are concrete.  We get numbers...we can see them.  Our internal health on the other hand is harder to gauge.  I FEEL better than I have in years, but does that translate into health?  It has been almost 2 years since I started my healthy journey.  Can you believe it?  I can't.  I have lost over 100 pounds but I was scared that it still wasn't enough to make a real difference.  The proof is in the pudding...or in this case...my blood. ;-)

Before I started on my journey I was looking diabetes in the face, my gall bladder was full of stones, I was depressed, and I filled my diet with highly processed, packaged foods, sodas, fast food, and sweets.  My life revolved around my next "fix."  Now I eat a plant-based diet full of colorful fruits and veggies, beans, nuts and seeds, whole grains, and I use natural sweeteners in lieu of white sugar, corn syrup, and artificial sweeteners.  Do I ever "cheat?" Yes but I don't consider it cheating.  I just make poor choices from time to time.  Sometimes it's sugar, sometimes it's dairy or even one too many cocktails, but every time I do I am reminded of why I made the changes in the first place.  My energy tanks, depression sets in, I get headaches and joint pain, my faces breaks out, I get jittery, scattered, and anxious.  It is like the ghost of Christmas past - a look back at a life I no longer want.

So you're probably wondering...how did my labs go?  :-) These numbers may mean nothing to most of you, but to me it is a gold star, an A+.  (I've always loved good grades!)  Here are the results (I apologize for the cheese factor but I am pretty jazzed):

Cholesterol:

HDL (the GOOD guys): with a normal range of 0-60 I scored a 48! SUPER!!!

LDL (the BAD guys): with a normal range of 65-185 I scored a 91! AWESOME!

Total cholesterol: with a normal range of 110-200 I scored a 157!!!! SUPERB!

Triglycerides: with a normal range of 0-149 I scored an 88!! YAY!

And lastly...the big one for me...

Hemoglobin A1c (a measure for diabetes): with a normal range 3-6% for non-diabetics...I scored 4.7!!!!

I did a happy dance all the way to the van!  It is just more solid proof for me that FOOD really does MATTER!  Healthy food can change your life!

Most of you probably know I started a Holistic Health Counseling practice.  I feel very passionate about teaching people about what healthy food is and how to prepare it.  I am getting ready to launch a 4-week intensive program called, "Get Fresh!" to help people learn the basics of good nutrition.  It will be 4, 1-hour sessions and the last session will include a grocery store tour to help people navigate which aisles to shop and which aisles to pass by.  Beyond that I also teach private (think girls night out with a private chef) and public healthy cooking classes which are super fun!  If you are looking for something more intense, I also have a six-month program that includes 12 one-on-one counseling sessions with me to help you reach your healthy living goals!

In the future I am hoping to start some mommy and me cooking classes (can't wait), pantry makeovers, and many other things.  But for now, and with 4 little ones, I will take what I can get! :-)

If you are interested in the "Get Fresh!" program, please contact me for more information.  I am planning on starting that toward the end of January and only have 9 slots left!

Gearin' Up!

This post is (mostly) for the ladies...the ladies who like to get down...and sweaty.  Um, ahem, I'm talking exercise. I used to think people were nuts when they talked about their workout "gear." Gear...schmear...or so I thought...until I became one of them.

Don't get me wrong. I started out with nothing but a pair of stretchy capri pants, an awesome pair of shoes, and my lungs.  You don't HAVE to have "gear" but it sure helps make your exercising much more enjoyable.  It takes your mind off of your underoos falling down, the blisters developing on your heels, the bra strap that inevitably falls down every time you start to get your focus, your hair that's in your face and mouth, and the possibility of two black eyes.  My chosen activity right now is running but I think most of this gear that I am about to discuss is pretty universal.  Here are my top picks for workout "gear:"

1. A great pair of shoes. First and foremost and oh so important - shoes...good shoes.  Don't go grabbing some old jalopy, stinky pair in the back of your closet.  Your barking dogs will give you an earful the next morning.  I used to think that buying shoes specific for an activity was dumb - just a way for shoe manufacturers to jack up the price.  But alas, I might be slightly mistaken.  I still think a good pair of shoes costs way too much but in the end they are well worth the investment.  Last Christmas I went to a place in Carmel called Blue Mile. They specialize in fitting you for the right kind of shoe - specific to the kind of exercise you're in to.  They even video tape you running or walking on a treadmill and then slow down the recording to see how you naturally step (it has a fancy name - "video gait analysis").  It gives them an idea of how much and what kind of support your shoe will need.  It's pretty interesting really.  I got a fabulous pair of kicks that fit better than any other shoes I've had.  No achey feet in the morning anymore.  I think I will go back this year and get some shoes specifically for running since the pair I have are mostly for walking.  The whole shebang cost me about $90.  My feet thank me everyday.  Essential.

2. Nice socks.  Going along with the whole foot thing...get a good pair of socks.  Again something I used to roll my eyes at...but if you are blister-prone...this is a good upgrade.  I got some socks at the same store that are like Heaven on my feet.  They don't slip and they really add cushion in all the right places.  Very nice.  Plus they keep your feet dry.  I need to get some more.  The ones I bought have a band that wraps both sides of the heel and are made by a company called Balega.  They're seriously great - like a foot hug.  You can check out their site here: www.balega.com  

3. A good sports bra.  This is something I resisted for a long time - mostly because I didn't really think there was anything out there that would lock and load like I needed it to.  Next to going to a blacksmith and having some kind of metal suit forged I thought I was S.O.L.  Once again...wrong.  I researched and looked and researched some more and finally settled on trying a bra by Under Armor.  I will post the link and you will see that this puppy just looks bad to the bone.  No movement is coming outta that straight jacket!  I got it early last week and to be completely honest it took me a good 15 minutes to figure out how to put it on (thank goodness I've been doing yoga - phew!), but I love it!  It fits great and the straps stay up and now I can save money on under eye make-up.  Thank you Under Armor!  If you want any specifics about sizing...let me know.  I wasn't sure it would fit at first but it fits great!  Here is the link: Under Armor workout gear

4. A headband. I got this one down.  I may look like a biker mama running down the street but no wispy hair is getting in MY eyes!  I bought a semi-stylish cloth head wrap at Tar-get (said with a French accent) that I decided could also double as a keep-my-stinkin-hair-outta-my-face device when I am working out.  It is completely functional - and in my opinion necessary...unless you are a man...or bald (which in that case - sorry).

5. Pants with underwear built in.  I am not sure what the correct name is for such a thing, but last winter I bought a pair of adidas workout pants that had underwear built into them.  I thought it was strange at the time, but now I know why there is such a beast.  Nothing is more annoying and workout sabotaging than underwear creep.  It can creep both ways...it can fall down and tick you off and it can creep up and irritate you (in more than one kind of way).  Anyhoo...it is really nice to have that freedom to just slap on some workout pants and not worry about slippage.

Those are my current top 5 picks.  I am sure the more I run the more I will long for other items.  Right now I am happy with just using my cell phone as a stopwatch and I don't run long enough to need one of those water backpack thingees...but maybe someday.  Until then...race you to the stop sign! Ready, set, GO!

*I am not being paid to endorse any of these products although I sure wish I was! ;-)

Rocky

I've been contemplating what to write about lately.  I am in a new phase of my journey which I have entitled, "whole new me."  It's a play on words you see...I am learning who I truly am now...and at the same time really striving to live a "whole" life, one that is balanced.  It's funny.  I thought I knew who I was.  I didn't...and I still don't.  What I have learned over the past year and a half is that my excess weight was partially a means to hide the real me - and in turn shelter myself from pain, rejection, failure.  Maybe it was even to keep me from the greatness that God stamped into me.  We all have greatness stamped into us you know?  Through that sheltering process I lost myself completely - plum forgot who I was.  And now that most of my excess weight (read: protection, shield, or force field - haha) is gone, I am left dazed and confused!  Obviously there is a whole lot more to that equation, but that's a big piece.  Moving on...


The big thing that has been weighing on my mind lately is, "WHO am I...really?"  I am not the girl that started this journey.  I mean, sure, there are glimpses of "her" in me - there always will be, but for the most part I am a new person.  After weeks of rolling this around in my head I decided that who I am now doesn't really matter.  The meat of the issue is really deciding who I want to be.  When I look deep down inside and picture "me" at my best...what does that look like?  Here is what it looks like for me: 1. I am smiling on the inside and out, 2. I feel uninhibited - free, 3. I am active - usually I envision myself running and playing with the kids, 4. I am confident and strong - I believe in myself, 5. I am successful.  Now I want to clarify the part about success.  When I say, "success" you probably immediately think about money.  I tend to see success as more than that.  I see myself helping others reach their goals and I see myself following God's will and direction for my life - that's what I qualify as success.


The next step beyond who I want to be is to decide how I get there - what steps do I need to take?  Well, first off...I have to practice.  Practice what?  I need to practice being confident, being strong, uninhibited, happy, active, successful.  This means stepping out of my comfort-zone...disallowing myself to be complacent with my life.  Talk about culture shock! :-)


First stop?  Active.  UGHHHHH!  Active?  It goes against every fiber of my being, but I know that being active is a big part of overall health.  I have always associated "active" with pain, embarrassment, and failure - it's no wonder I have an aversion to it!  The first thoughts that flood to my brain when I think of exercise and activity are ones of gym class, Jr. high basketball, the biggest girl in gymnastics, lame attempts at t-ball, failed try-outs for the color guard...let's just face it...I am not the most coordinated creature on the planet.  I wasn't designed for athletics - I am an artist at heart.  BUT it's time for me to create NEW visions of what "active" means in my life.  So that is what I am going to focus on from now until Christmas.  I will still be blogging about food (duh) because, well, I love it, but I am also going to make myself more accountable in the activity department.  You know, that dreaded "e" word? Exercise?  Yeah I am going to do that...at least 5 days a week...maybe 7!  I will try to do a weekly post of the things I have tried.  Who knows...maybe I will find something I truly love!


So here is what I have been up to the last several days/weeks.  One thing I always thought I would hate is running.  Seriously.  What can be pleasurable about being sweaty, out of breath, and in pain?  I don't know what got into me the other day but my body told me to get out of bed and run.  So I did.  The first day I patted myself on the back because I thought I'd run a marathon...not so much.  After measuring it I realized that I ran a half a mile.  Oh well!  It was a half a mile more than I would have ran if I had stayed in bed! :-) The next day I ran a whole mile without stopping!  I was really proud of myself!  For me this was an accomplishment!  I couldn't even run a mile without stopping in High School.  I got a C- that semester because I failed to run the mile!  Anyway, this achievement made me realize how far I have come.  My body is so much more full of life!  I can do more than I realize!


Now it's on like Donkey Kong!  I am pushing my limits everyday - trying to see what I am made of.  There are three goals I have for next summer: 1. I want to run a 5K - the whole thing - no stopping, 2. I want to walk the mini with my best buddy, and 3. I want to participate in Warrior Dash.  Those are three things that I know I can do if I just keep pushing myself.  What are your goals?


If you would like a daily update on what things I am doing EACH DAY to become the bestest me I can be...please friend "The Incredible Shrinking Mama" on Facebook.  I will post everyday the things I did to better my health.  I want to make it a challenge to all of you out there to post things too!  I'd love to hear from you!  We can support each other!


Now go get strong!

The Dark

Everyone has a past.  Everyone has things about themselves that they don't like...that they fear...that they want to hide.  Everyone has a "dark" side.  Typically we present out lighter selves to the world - put our best feet forward, smile, and stuff the darkness back in...but sometimes that darkness creeps out here and there.  And sometimes we just get tired of stuffing things inside.  I'm tired.


So why bring this up on a blog that deals with health and weight loss you might say?  Well...it's simple.  When you start peeling back the layers of your self, losing weight, getting healthy, you start to feel a need to also shed some emotional baggage.  In fact, I think that my emotional baggage outweighs my physical baggage at this point.  And that is what I am being led to focus on at the present. I have been stuck for a while now, and the more I pray and read and hear and think the more I am seeing that I'm not going to press forward without admitting to myself and the world who I really am.  It doesn't mean that I have to like it and it doesn't mean that I can't or shouldn't work on changing some of it, but I do know that until I embrace all of ME...I'm not going to reach my ultimate goal - [INCREDIBLE] wellness (which just happens to be the name of my business...yes, shameless plug).


I am not going to attempt to rationalize anything or explain myself either.  Yes, I believe that God made all parts of us - good and bad - for a purpose.  And I do believe that our weaknesses keep us humble and reliant on the One who created us.  I see some of my weaknesses and realize how they help me to cope with the life I have been given...and others...I'm not so sure.  Today I am merely shedding light on the dark parts...admitting my imperfections...and then I am going to stop pretending to be someone I am not.  I am done acting.  I am done trying to please everyone - it's impossible anyway,  and I am surely done with feeling bad for my shortcomings.


Some things you will read are fears that I hold and some are things about my character or personality that I don't like.  I'm not going to tell you which is which.  It doesn't matter.  Mostly it's just emotional baggage of some kind or another that I am ready to release.

ME

This is my catharsis.

I am messy, disorganized, lazy, and scattered.  My mind races 24 hours a day. I am consumed with worry most of the time.  My house is always dirty.  I have a tendency toward selfishness.  I yell at my kids.  I am inept at being a parent and I truly at times just can't handle the amount of responsibility that has been placed on my shoulders.  When I am overwhelmed I try to hide - from friends, from responsibility, from life.  I am driven less by passion and more by fear.  I hate being judged - thinking about it makes me ill.  I am angry at the lies that our government tells us about our food, our education, and our health.  At one time or another I have lied, cheated, or stolen.  I hate when someone questions my intelligence or makes me feel inferior.  I am a control freak...and when I can't control something or someone I get angry.  

Ahhh...doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?  Yeah. Me too (*sarcasm*).  As much as I'd like to take back the paintbrush and start painting happy trees - telling you all of the good things about me - I'm not going to.  That's the purpose of this post.  I need to be OK knowing that everyone is now reading the "bad" things I wrote.  I need to own them so that I can move past them.  I encourage anyone out there who is feeling "stuck" in life to do something similar.  Just write some things down and give it to your spouse, friend, parent, child, pet (haha) etc.  I feel better already - I think.


And to update you on my raw food cleanse...


I am still trying to eat at least 2 raw meals per day - whether it is a smoothie or juice or some other raw meal concoction.  It has been harder for me this week for some reason.  I'm not sure if the emotional junk (see above) is zapping my energy or if it is the things I am eating (or not eating).  Surely it is because I need to eat more chocolate, right?  I mean, that's got to be the problem! ;-)


Until next time...