So...it's week 12! 12 weeks have FLOWN by! I am currently in the midst of a crazy whirlwind of events coming up. There's Mother's Day, my sister's graduation, I'm singing at the Greatest Spectacle of Tasting, and then my girls' 3rd birthday/tea party. This all happens in the next 7 days - whew! I'm tired just thinking about it!
I am happy to say that I have met my 10%!!!! Yay! :) My total loss thus far is 32 pounds...and I am ready to tackle the next 32! I have learned a lot over the past twelve weeks. I have struggled, I have cried, but I have survived. (I might have to break out into song here in a minute) During the meeting today I shared my "rock bottom" story - the thing in my life that really made me take a hard look at the reality of what I was doing to myself. Here is that story:
I think I mentioned that I really suffered with post-partum depression after both of my boys were born. Mainly on top of the typical "baby blues" I just felt completely overwhelmed. We're talking to the point that I just cried all day and felt numb. It is so hard to adapt to a new baby in and of itself, but when you are also still caring for other toddlers it is just mind-blowing. The chaos is maddening, the sheer neediness is almost more than I can bear at times. The only way I have gotten through the craziness so far is seriously by the grace of God. My husband is so wonderful as well, and he is my rock. He would see me so sad and try to reach out to me in any way that he could. One way was through food. We loved (and still love) to eat. We loved (and still love to a certain degree) junk. He works for Coke - I loved Coke (still love Coke as a company, just not as a drink). He would make runs to the grocery or Taco Bell, or whatever when the kids would go to bed and we would eat together - it's really quite sick when I think about it now. Food, to us, was not something to fuel the body, to give you energy, to give you life - it was just food, and we sure knew how to abuse it. It quieted the sickness that was in my head. It made that feeling of inadequacy go away...but only for a very short time. One night he brought me home a "surprise" from the grocery...a double chocolate cake from Marsh. It was a "cheer up" present. I looked at it and laughed and exclaimed that it was silly to buy a whole cake for me - that there was no way I could eat it all by myself. I took one bite. Every time I walked in and out of the kitchen I grabbed the fork and took a bite. The next day, I looked at an empty plastic container and it hit me. I hadn't eaten a single nourishing bite of anything other than cake the WHOLE day. I thought about the kind of message I was sending to my kids. I thought about what I was doing to myself. I cried. That was rock bottom for me.
Ironically, I have turned the whole cake story into a positive reminder for myself when I start to feel overwhelmed in this whole process. I am very much a jump in with both feet, all or none kind of person. I have had to look at this journey a lot differently. If I didn't I am sure I would have given up completely by now. When I look at all the weight I have to lose I feel like it is so much bigger than what I can accomplish...which it IS without God...but I also remember how that cake ended up disappearing one bite at a time. I can do this one pound at a time! (It also helps me remember how fast "nibbles" throughout the day can add up!)
To all of you who have encouraged me and loved me to this point - THANK YOU!!! Your support is beyond anything you can imagine! Check out the video below of my 10% kick just for all of you!